


Misc

by cirobert



Category: Supernatural
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-15
Updated: 2017-11-02
Packaged: 2018-10-05 16:43:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 16
Words: 18,392
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10312649
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cirobert/pseuds/cirobert
Summary: Some times I just write little pieces that don't fit into a story line so here some of them are :)





	1. Chapter 1

Dean had never seen Castiel as relaxed as he was this very moment. Sure there was lots of time Cas was happy, content, silly, teasing but never relaxed. Even after marathon sex sessions that left them both rubber legged and out for the count Cas always retained a little tension in his shoulders. Dean thought it was just a part of him being centuries old and used to being on the edge of battle. Whatever it was, it was gone for the first time since he had met the angel.  
“You’re staring.” Cas said even though he didn’t turn his attention to Dean in any way.   
“That’s rich coming from you.” Dean snorted. He reached across the sand to flick at his Cas’s ear and Cas chuckled. He slowly let his head turn and looked at Dean through his dark aviator sunglasses.  
“Why are you staring?” Cas asked.   
“I’m just noticing how relaxed you are.” Dean told him honestly. The sun was warming his back up nicely but he knew that in a matter of a half hour it would be too hot to be out here sun bathing.   
“Its nice here. There’s no people, no problems, no end of the world…just me and you.” Cas sighed happily.   
“And you’re almost naked on the sand so that has to count for something.” Dean smirked.  
“Its not my nudity I enjoy Dean.” Cas told him with a smile playing on his lips still.  
“Well then…” Dean said and gave him that devilish grin he knew worked wonders to get the angel in the mood.   
“Can we not do it on the beach this time Dean? I don’t particularly like sand in my ass.” Cas sighed but not unhappily.  
“But we had so much fun getting it out.” Dean teased him.   
“I can’t argue with that.” Cas said. Dean watched as he reached his hand over his head and stretched his entire body out. It was unusual seeing him without his many layers of clothing on but Dean certainly appreciated the way the sun had tanned his skin nicely. Every muscle was defined and noticeable on his lithe body.  
“You’re still staring.” Cas laughed at Dean.  
“You’re my husband, I’m allowed.” Dean replied with a lazy grin.   
“Well husband, how about we take this inside and scare the housekeepers again?” Cas gave his own devilish grin.   
“I love the way you think.” Dean said happily.


	2. 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean isn't the good guy he pretends to be

Dean always kind of knew it would end like this. With police, guns and the woman he loved being the one to turn him in. And he wasn’t mad, wasn’t even mildly surprised. The only thing that did surprise him was how long it had taken her to do it. Three years on the run with him was about three years longer then he had expected from her. Was she on her way back to her husband now? Going back to that geeky little guy who had some how made it past all the training to become a full fledge member of the United States Navy? Dean knew he had survived the gunshot he himself had inflicted on him, hell he’d aimed for his leg before taking his wife and high tailing it out of there. He might be a psychopath but he did have some respect for the men who defended this country.   
“Dean Winchester, you are under arrest for…”  
“Yeah, yeah, yeah all the good stuff I know. Can you just cuff me already? I waive my right to legal council blah blah blah.” he rolled his eyes even though he was on his knees with his hands behind his head. That seemed to confuse the cops, until one of them, a long time FBI agent who had been on Dean’s case from the start, rushed forwards and cuffed him before hauling him to his feet.  
“This has been a long time coming Winchester.” he growled into Dean’s ear.  
“Good to see you too Sammy.” Dean smiled at his giant of a brother before Sam pushed him through the door into a hallway lined with cops.  
“How’s Jess? And the kids? God little Bobby must be almost ten now ain’t he?” Dean asked his brother like they were sitting in a cafe having a coffee and catching up.  
“Shut up Dean.” Sam growled low and angrily. “You don’t get to ask those questions.”  
“Oh come on Sam, I’m still your brother.” Dean smirked at one of the female cops who scowled at him.  
“You lost that title when you killed that guy in Kansas. I don’t have any brothers.” Sam said. Dean hated that, hated that Sam would deny their blood.  
“Mom would be so disappointed to hear you say that baby brother.” Dean let Sam lower him into a car. He had his jaw clenched as he reached over to cuff Dean to the special hook for his cuffs.  
“Don’t you talk about my mother.” Sam hissed and drew back to slam the door.


	3. 3

Dean had seen plenty of miracles in his days, hell he’d met God and God’s Sister! But as he stood in the doorway watching Castiel play with their daughter Dean was sure he had finally gotten his glimpse of Heaven. He smiled to himself and leaned against the frame to take in the whole scene and put it safely away in his mind to pull out in times of misery.  
Cas was no longer an angel, he had given all that up to be with Dean. But as he sat on his knees on the floor lifting the giggling dark haired girl into the air and blowing on to her tummy, the sun kissed his hair and made him look ethereal. It must have been after bath time because the little tike was stark naked and Cas was only wearing a pair of his black slacks. Baths with a baby were messy for everyone involved.  
“Papapapapapapapa…” the little girl squealed and grabbed at Cas’s hair as he lifted her again. She managed to grab two fistfuls and before Cas realized it he was lowering her down and pulling on his own hair.  
“Son of a…” he said wincing. Dean chuckled which made the baby look at him and wave her arms happily. Bright blue green eyes looked at him expectedly as he crossed the room to them.  
“Language Papa.” Dean scolded his love playfully. He reached down and lifted the little girl up to hug her tightly. Soft hair tickled his nose and her hands grabbed for his nose.  
“Were you a good girl for Papa today angel?” he asked her as he kissed her noisily. She laughed harder and pushed at his face.  
“Of course she was, she always is.” Cas said getting to his feet and pulling on his dress shirt but left it undone. Dean loved the way he looked like this, all relaxed yet sexy.  
“Was Papa good for you Charlie?” Dean gave his husband a wink.   
“Dadadadadadadada…” she continued to babble and pat Dean’s cheeks.   
“I think that means yes.” Cas smirked. He leaned in to kiss Dean’s cheek before stepping around them to head to the kitchen.  
“How long this time?” Cas called as Dean set to work picking out clothes for his daughter. He was always shocked by the sheer amount of pink in the kids closet but since Cas was the one to dress her most of the time he didn’t complain. He knew where the AC/DC onesies and ‘strong like Daddy’ shirt sat in her drawers and he drew one of them out now. It was almost as bad as wrestling snakes to hold her still long enough to get a pamper on her and pull he black onesie over her head.   
“A week.” Dean replied as he carried the little girl into the kitchen. Cas was moving around the space making dinner. He was the image of pure domestic bliss.  
“Good, you’ll be here for her needles.” Cas commented and Dean shuddered. He could take any number of medical procedures himself but the idea of someone sticking needles into his daughter made him ill.  
“Sam will be by in about an hour, he wanted to restock on some stuff before he stopped moving.” Dean explained.   
“Good, at least someone will share the salad with me.” he gave Dean a mock glare as he sliced radishes.  
“Hey you never know, this one right here might turn out to be a leaf eater just like Papa and Uncle Sammy.” Dean said bouncing the girl in his arms.   
“Not if you have any say in it T-Rex.” Cas rolled his eyes.  
“Come on Cas, I’ve been doing better.” Dean almost whined at the man.   
“How many burgers on this trip Dean?” Cas asked him pointedly. Dean mumbled something under his breath.  
“Thought so.” Cas said and Dean knew he was about to get an earful about eating better and taking better care of himself. And it wasn’t like he didn’t know he should, it was just there was only so much he could do at roadside diners. Hell even Sam had to give in a grease up most days.  
“I know baby, and I’m trying, I really am. I’ll do better, I promise.” Dean said to Cas as he placed Charlie into her high chair so she could watch her Papa make dinner. A plastic cup kept her occupied while Dean went to Cas and wrapped his arms around his waist.  
“I can’t do this without you Dean. We can’t do this without you.” Cas sighed as he leaned back into the embrace. He rested his forehead against Dean’s cheek.  
“I know, I’m sorry.” Dean sighed enjoying the heat of Cas in his arms.  
“Just promise me you’ll come home to me Dean.” Cas said refusing to look at Dean. He was feeling too vulnerable. Feelings just didn’t come easily to him and those that did were overwhelming.   
“I’ll do everything in my power to always come back to you Cas, you know that.” Dean placed a gentle kiss on Cas’s forehead. The tender moment was broken when a plastic cup clattered to the floor noisily.  
“And that means pay attention to me Dad.” Cas laughed lightly glad enough to be able to move past the tension. And of course just when Dean was retrieving the cup Sam walked in like the giant he was.  
“Hey Cas.” he said with a nod before going straight to Charlie and picking her up.   
“Hey squirt, did ya miss Uncle Sam?” he asked her lifting her squealing and laughing over his head.  
“She did miss you Sam, she’s been trying to say Uncle for days now.” Cas said over his shoulder.  
“Unca…Unca…Unc…” Charlie babbled and smiled at Sam proudly. And damn if that didn’t make the big moose tear up.  
“That’s right baby girl, Unca.” he said hugging her tightly.  
“You big girl.” Dean rolled his eyes even though his heart was damn near bursting. Why wouldn’t it be? He finally had everything he had ever wanted. He had his angel, his brother and now his baby girl all under one roof. Three people he loved unconditionally and who accepted him for all his fuck ups. Three people who would never judge him, never hurt him, never do anything but protect and love him. Yeah, everything was finally alright in Dean Winchester’s world.


	4. 4

“Come on Cas, just try it.” Dean pleaded with the scowling angel. Cas shook his head again and refused to budge.  
The three of them were on a ranch, an honest to god horse ranch. They had almost driven past the sign before Dean slammed on the brakes and pulled the Impala into a hard u-turn. When Sam and Cas had asked about the dangerous maneuver all Dean could reply with was ‘I wanna be a cowboy’.  
So here they were, Sam and Dean saddled on top of their horses while Castiel refused to even look at the beast. He had shucked his trench coat in the car and now his arms were crossed tightly over his chest in just his white dress shirt.  
“Why not Cas? You’re not afraid of horses are you?” Dean asked him with just a little smirk on his face.  
“Of course I’m not scared of horses Dean. I am scared of no creature of this earth.” Cas said spitefully.  
“Then what’s the problem?”   
“Horses are stupid.” Cas huffed and turned up his nose. The horse under Dean huffed and snorted like he was offended.  
“Horses are not stupid. They’re hard working and loyal.” Dean argued.  
“And playful.” Sam interjected.  
“I can speak to most animals on earth thank you very much, and I stand by my statement that horses are stupid.” Cas sneered at the beautiful chestnut coloured animal in front of him.  
“Really? I always thought they would be quite smart.” Sam was surprised.  
“How smart can it be? It lets you humans ride them around in parades, circuses and other pathetic excuses of animal abuse. If it were smart it would buck you off and stomp you into the ground for daring to jump on its back.” Cas continued. He was getting quite worked up now.  
“Whoa Cas, ease up man.” Dean said trying to calm the angel.  
“And they’re slow.” Cas finished up.  
“Slow? No way!” Dean was shocked.  
“They are.” Cas insisted.   
“No they aren’t. They use them to measure engines Cas. You know, horsepower?” Dean was arguing for real now. It was one thing to call the horse stupid but another to call it slow.  
“I don’t care what they use horses to measure Dean, they are slow.” Cas said. “Compared to my wings they are comparable to you racing a snail.”  
“Hey that’s not fair, I’m pretty sure this guy could keep up with you easily.” Dean said rubbing the neck of his horse.  
“I can circumnavigate the globe in the blink of an eye Dean.” Cas was rolling his eyes now. Something he knew drove Dean nuts.  
“But that’s using your angel mojo, not just your wings. I bet in a one on one flying versus hooves race you’d loose.” Dean challenged the angel.  
“You think a stupid animal would beat me in a race?” Cas was livid. The angriest Dean or Sam had ever seen him and that included the night he beat Dean almost to death.  
“What are you Cas? Chicken?” Dean pushed him even further. Sam held his breath, he wasn’t entirely sure Cas wouldn’t smite Dean where he sat on the horse.   
Instead Cas drew himself up to his full height, not that impressive compared to Sam’s own but still, and with a burst of grace his huge black wings came into existence on his back. Dean was open mouthed as he looked at Cas, scary bad ass Castiel, in all his angelic glory with his magnificent wings spread out behind him proudly.  
“I accept your challenge Dean Winchester.” he said with just a hint of his true voice which caused Dean and Sam to wince.  
Sam got out his nifty little phone where he brought up a map of the ranchers paths on the property. Cas assured him he could cloak his presence so that no one would see him flying above the tree tops. He marked out the route, making sure to really push it into Dean’s head so he wouldn’t get lost, and set a finish marker. He would go on ahead and meet them there to declare a winner. Once Sam was where he wanted to be he called back to Dean to start the race.  
“Alright guys, keep it safe please?” Sam’s voice came over the speaker and Dean rolled his eyes.  
“Calm down Samantha, I’ve ridden a horse before.” Dean complained. Beside him Cas was twitching his wings impatiently.  
“Shut up Dean.” Sam replied. “Alright, ready?”  
“I am ready.” Cas said properly. Dean grunted his agreement. He slipped his phone into his pocket where he could still hear Sam.  
“Set?”  
“Damn right.” Dean growled out with a smirk towards he angel who was crouching down into take off position.  
“GO!”  
Dean kicked his horse into action but he still ducked and spit out dirt from Cas’s take off. He glanced up and saw Cas quickly climbing to a good height before flaring his wings out and really starting to fly. Dean encouraged his horse to go faster and soon he was hunched over its neck to avoid the wind. How in the hell did Cas think he could fly faster then this majestic beast? It was a marvel of nature this creature.   
Dean looked up and was surprised to see Cas right above him. He wasn’t flapping or struggling like Dean had hoped but was smoothly flying his way along. Dean could see the huge smile on Cas’s face and felt his own smile coming. The angel looked happy, eager and free in the sky. He was the magnificent creature in this scenario.  
“Come on Cas, is that all you got?” he shouted into the air with a smile on his face and a nudge to his horses flanks. The animal took the command and put on a burst of speed that had Dean grabbing at the reigns to keep in his saddle.  
“Be careful Dean, I wouldn’t want to have to heal you after beating you in a race.” Cas called back with a cocky grin and an honest to god wink. Dean couldn’t help it, he let out a deep laugh while still pushing his horse for more speed. He could see Sam on his horse at the finish line waving wildly as he cheered them on. Dean let his horse stretch himself out and whooped in glee as he flowed over the finish.   
“YEAHHHHHH!” he hollered and patted the poor animals neck. The horse was lathered in sweat and breathing hard.  
“Cas won.” Sam said breaking his bother’s happy bubble with a grin.  
“What? No way!” Dean argued looking up to watch Cas descending with a very pleased look on his face.  
“Photo finish.” Sam said holding up his phone to show that Cas had indeed crossed the line before the horses nose.   
“Dammit!” Dean sighed but held out his hand to the preening angel “Good race Cas.”  
“Thank you Dean, you too.” Cas shook his hand. Dean slid down off of the horse and went to get some water for the poor animal. Cas reached out to pet the horses nose.  
“And thank you Adalgo, for holding back.” he said to the horse and Sam almost fell out of his saddle.  
“What?” he demanded of Castiel.  
“Horses really aren’t that stupid.” Cas said with a small smile and a gleam in his eye.  
“But…you…”  
“I think Dean needed to laugh. To let himself go for just a little while.” Cas said in explanation before Dean was within ear shot. Sam gave him a nod in understanding.  
“Here ya go boy, you deserve this.” Dean said placing the bucket of water in front of the horse and holding out an apple he had snagged from the bushels laying around the ranch.  
“So Sam, who do you think got the faster horse?” Dean challenged his brother.


	5. 5

Today is the day I run. I can feel it in the way my body is on edge, the way my feet take me towards the door when I'm not thinking or stopping them. Its only when I feel the sunlight on my face that I realize I have the door open and my coat in my hand. 

Its the only reasonable solution to all of our problems really. If I stay there will be more tension, more fighting and more secrets. If I leave then there will be no more reasons to keep those secrets. Am I ready to give up on all this just because I can't take any more fighting? That's the question that'll stop me from taking these first steps out the bunker door.

If I take this first step there will be no going back. There will be no _coming_  back. Not because I don't think the brothers would let me but because if I came back it would be admitting defeat and that what I'm going to do is wrong. I love them both, one with brotherly compassion and one with a fiery passion that burns so bright it blinds me. I can see all of the flaws in Dean, despite what Sam thinks, but I just don't care. We've been through enough together that it means more then all his stubbornness, all his anger, and all of his issues. But what I can't understand is his need for denial. 

We love each other, everyone sees it, everyone accepts it, except Dean. He pushes it deep down inside because of his antiquated notion of right and wrong forced into him by an abusive and neglectful father. John Winchester still ruled over the Winchesters with an iron fist even though he was years in his grave. Sam has tried to talk to his brother about it but as always Dean goes on the defensive and it ends up with them not speaking for days on end while trying to hide the reasons from me. As if I'm a child unable to figure it out for myself. I have a millennia under my belt and they still see me as an innocent. 

I crave respect, I crave acceptance, I crave to be held and acknowledged as more then a useful or entertaining companion. Now that I have tasted these things I can not ignore my desires for them. April may have been a reaper, she may have done me terribly wrong, but she awoke things in me that I didn't know existed. I knew I looked at the Righteous Man differently then my brethren did but until April but a name to my feelings I was as confused and lost as Dean was. It was love I was feeling, not the companionable love of a friend, not the familial love for a sibling, but a white hot burning love that defied reason and logic.

  
"Hey Cas, you going somewhere?" I hear the voice that holds my invisible leash. I looked over my shoulder at Dean and saw him eyeing me warily like he had an idea of what I was doing. Would he stop me? Would he finally see I had been pushed to the brink and only he could pull me back?

"I don't know." I admit even as I looked up into the Kansas sky, squinting at the bright sunlight. It would be a wonderful day on the road and I could get many miles before the sun set and I would need to find shelter. If I still had my wings I could be across the planet in a matter of seconds but Metatron had stolen that from me and all my kind. I rolled my shoulders missing the familiar weight of my wings.

"Its not a hard question man." Dean chuckled but he was tense. I looked back at his deep green eyes and saw the begging in them, the silent request to not do this.

"Do you want me to stay Dean?" I asked. Would he heed my own silent request? The hidden question that could either push me out this door or pull me to him.

"Of course I want you to stay you stupid angel." Dean said with one of his smirks. My heart started to race as he reached out to grab the coat from my hand, letting his fingers trail over my own momentarily. Was he really saying what I needed to hear?

"Dean, this is not a moment to be vague." I lectured him. 

"What do you want me to say Cas?" he asked looking down at my new trench coat, so much like the old one but so very different. Like me.

"Will you love me Dean Winchester?" I pushed into his personal space. He lectures from years ago popping into my head but being pushed aside for now.

"Cas...I..." Dean struggled with his words, with himself.

"Then yes, Dean, I am going somewhere." I said reaching down to take back my coat. As soon as my fingers wrapped around the fabric Dean used it to pull me close, me loosing my footing and crashing in to his chest.

"I don't want you to stay Castiel, I  _need_ you to stay." he said as I looked up to his face. There was a raw need that I had never seen before. Suddenly he was leaning down and possessing my lips in a desperate kiss. I froze. After all this time, after all this unrequited feeling, I didn't know what to do. I didn't know what he wanted me to do.

"This is the part where you kiss me back Cas." Dean said trying to be funny but instead it just came out as a plea. 

So I did. Today was the day I ran, but instead of running away, I ran to Dean.


	6. 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'm not really sure why but I had the urge to try my hand at fem!Dean...but it wasn't something I just wanted to switch out. I'm kinda happy with how it turned out and I may continue with it in another story but only if people think I did Destiel any justice.

 

          53 years.  

          19,345 days.

          464,280 hours.

          27,856,800 minutes.

          That was how long Dean Winchester had been dead. Castiel knew, Castiel counted every day, every minute, every second. Which was 167,140,8000 incidentally. It was a constant tick in his brain reminding him how long he had been without the Righteous Man.

          It hadn’t been a surprise when both Winchesters died in the line of duty. Some monster hunt that turned out to get the better of them all. Sam had been gone by the time Castiel had been able to get to them. He had rushed to Dean’s side and held the

dwindling life force to him. He immediately started to heal the man he loved but one strong hand on his wrist stopped him.

          “Is Sammy gone?” Dean had coughed out with blood on his lips.

          “Yes Dean, I’m sorry.” Castiel had apologized whole heartedly.

          “Then let me go Cas.” Dean had sighed. He closed his eyes momentarily while Castiel could do nothing but stare at him in shock.

          “I can’t Dean.” Castiel had whispered and those green eyes flew open to stare at him harshly.

          “You can and you will Cas. I’ve done enough and I want to go with my brother.” Dean had gasped out. Cas reached up to wipe the tears from Dean’s cheeks.

          “I can’t loose you Dean.” Castiel had confessed.

          “You aren’t loosing me angel, you’re letting me go. I’m so tired Cas and if you heal me I’ll still be tired. Please, let me see Sammy.” Dean was started to loose coherency.

          “What about me Dean?” Castiel knew he was being pathetic.

          “Promise me something angel, promise me.” Dean said reaching up to trail a bloody finger down Castiel’s cheek.

          “Anything Dean.”

          “Promise me you’ll live.” Dean had said in his last moment of clarity. His eyes were clear and his concentration was evident as he demanded Castiel listen to him.

          “I don’t want to live without you.” Castiel admitted. It had been hard enough living with Dean, unable to voice his true feelings and content with being his friend. But to stay here without him? The angel didn’t know if he was strong enough for that.

          “You have to Cas. Promise me.” Dean demanded. Suddenly his eyes slid closed and his body started to shake.

          “Dean? Dean, come on Dean, don’t do this.” Castiel was pleading with the body in his arms. He managed to still the shaking but Dean didn’t open his eyes again. Instead Castiel held on to the hunter until his body was cold and starting to stiffen in his arms.        Castiel had held on to Dean for days before he found the strength to burn the Winchesters in their hunter tradition. He was solemn in his proceedings, making sure to wrap the bodies and then build the pyre in a painstakingly human fashion. He used none of his grace to assist with the funeral, needing all the time it took to clear his head of suicidal urges. He still wasn’t sure why he didn’t end his existence as soon as the ashes had been spread. That wasn’t true, he knew it was because of Dean’s request. He had wanted Castiel to live and the angel would heed the demand if for no other reason than that he loved the man.

          So here he was all these years, days, hours, seconds, later wandering a crowded city looking for the hunter who had prayed to him. This was his purpose now. He was the angel to hunters. They knew his name, they prayed to him for help when they needed it. He helped, he knew he helped, but he still felt hollow. He was alive but he wasn’t living, not in the true sense that Dean had asked of him. But he didn’t know how. How did he live without the man he loved? How did he ease this ache in his heart that was there as a constant reminder of his failure to save Dean? How could he truly live when he wanted nothing more then to die?

          The sound of fighting drew his attention out of his head and to the image of a small slender woman fighting off what appeared to be four demons. It was an amazing sight, one that captured Castiel’s attention immediately. The fight was ridiculously unfair, the demons were all in strong male vessels that hulked over the woman. But she was holding her own. She had two blades in her hands and she swung them effectively. One demon went down in a flash of golden lightning and that made the others back up quickly. Castiel strode to the woman’s side and let his angel blade slide into his hand.

          “Castiel, we heard you were still the hunter’s errand boy.” One demon smirked before Castiel threw his blade end over end to lodge in said demon’s brain. He fell to the ground and Castiel ran over to extract his blade. While in motion the other two demons fled their vessels leaving just an angel and a hunter in the alley.

          “I apologize for not getting here sooner, your prayer was unclear.” Castiel said in that deep and unused voice of his. He was cleaning his blade off in the dead demon’s vessel.

          “No worries, I was fine.” Came the beautiful sing song voice behind him. Castiel stood and faced the woman who had called to him.

          Colours, so many colours! Castiel’s vision swam with the brilliance of the soul in front of him. He froze where he stood and just let his angel senses try to make sense of what he was seeing. He knew this soul, he knew these colours. His heart beat unsteadily in his chest and his mind was blanking on the information he was trying to process. It wasn’t possible, there was just no way.

          “Dean?” Castiel let the name fall from his lips as the colours started to recede and he could actually see the human in front of him. No, it wasn’t Dean. It was a woman and there was just no way…

          Green eyes. Castiel knew those green eyes anywhere, any time. Those green eyes had haunted him for the last 53 years. And that soul…he would know the soul of the Righteous Man anywhere. He had gripped it to his grace rescuing it from hell and had then paired it with himself while rebuilding the body to house it. He had left his own piece of himself in that soul and even now he could feel it calling out to him.

          “Heya Cas.” the feminine voice said pleasantly but the smirk that accompanied it was all Winchester. “Long time no see angel.”


	7. 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I saw a picture on a facebook group I'm on of Dean and Cas snapchatting Sam while on adventures so I thought I'd write a little scene about it.

Sam was blinking awake when the first notification came through. He pawed around for his phone with a smile on his face already knowing who was sending him texts this hour of the morning. Sure enough when he swiped across the screen there were three snaps from Dean and two from Cas.

Sam opened the app to see what his brother and the angel were getting up to now. Last he had heard they were in New Mexico checking out ketchy tourist crap. Today’s pictures were of water so they had travelled since then.

 _Still not sure about Cas and water_ the caption read on a picture of Cas wading into the ocean in absolutely nothing. Sam groaned and rolled his eyes but at least the water was covering his ass this time.

The next snap was of Dean in bed sleeping soundly from the look of it. _Dean is quite tired of driving_ was the caption from Cas. Sam smiled to think of his brother and his angel road tripping across the country with no agenda but their own. No monsters to hunt, no apocalypse to prevent, just the two of them enjoying time with each other. Sam wasn’t sure what would happen to Dean when he decided to return to Stanford and finish his law degree but he should have known that Cas wouldn’t let him down.

 _I think I may have lost him this time Sammy_ came the next snap across a picture of Castiel in a field of clover. He had his hands out to his sides and Sam could barely make out the tiny bees hovering over his friend. Dean may be right, he might never get Cas out of that field.

Cas’s next snap took Sam by surprise. It was a candid picture of Dean laughing with his head thrown back and mouth wide as he did when he gave a true laugh straight from his belly. _I still don’t understand his references, but he thinks its funny_ was the caption this time. Sam saved the picture, relishing the idea of his brother so happy and at ease that he could laugh like that. God he was so glad they had finally admitted what everyone around them knew. Even Sam had been at his wits end on how to get them together but somewhere in the universe Chuck must have intervened and now they were happily a couple. Disgustingly in love some times but together.

 _Today is the day_ was the next picture and Sam sat straight up in bed as he looked at the picture of a ring in Dean’s hand. Was he…was that…? Sam exited the program to call his brother.

“Heya Sammy.” Dean answered and Sam could hear the rumble of the Impala in the background.

“Are you serious? You’re going to propose?” Sam blurted out.

“Already did you jackass, thanks for ruining the surprise though. You’re on speaker.” Dean grouched at his kid brother.

“Hello Sam.” Cas’s voice came over the line.

“Well? Did you say yes?” Sam was not about to get put off from his questions.

“Of course he said yes.” Dean sounded offended at the question.

“It was quite beautiful Sam. Dean got down on one knee and everything.” Cas explained sounding a little breathy.

“Wow.” Sam replied.

“What the hell dude? I can be romantic.” Dean protested.

“Like a rock.” Sam replied but he was smiling.

“Screw you bitch.”

“Congratulations jerk.” Sam smiled wider.

“Thank you Sam.” Cas said and Sam could hear the smile. There was some kissing sounds and he groaned.

“I’m still here guys.” He moaned at the phone.

“Shouldn’t you be in class nerd?” Dean asked him.

“Yes, I should. But I had something important to check on. Its not every day my brother hauls his head out of his ass and locks down the man of his dreams.” Sam teased Dean.

“Jesus Sammy.” Dean groaned but Cas chuckled.

“Anyway, congratulations guys. Any idea when you’ll be passing through again?” Sam asked.

“We thought that we could swing by in a couple of weeks. Sound good?” Dean replied.

“Sounds great. See you soon guys.” Sam hung up and just sat in his bed. Dean and Cas were getting married. Finally!

“Sam? Are you still in bed? You’ve got ten minutes to get to class!”

“Yeah babe, getting up now.”


	8. 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry *ducks and runs*

“I can’t loose him Sammy, not again.” Dean’s voice was raw and stripped from crying so much. Sam tried to hold back his own tears, trying to be strong for his brother, but at the tone of his voice he just couldn’t. Big fat tears slipped down his cheeks as he reached for Dean and held him tight.

          “I’m here for you Dean, anything you need.” He said as he let his brother sob out his fears against his shoulder. The smell of the hospital was permanently in his nose now and Sam hated it.

          “I need him Sam, I need Cas.” Dean sobbed. Sam let his eyes fall to the figure in the hospital bed and thanked God he was so deep asleep that Dean’s words didn’t disturb him. Castiel may have once been a vibrant healthy man but no longer. Huddled in under the hospital sheets was a stark figure who looked emaciated and sallow. His skin was ashen and his cheek bones protruded sharply against that skin. The nearly constant bed head he sported was now a dark shock of hair that fell limply across his forehead. And Sam knew that if he opened his eyes instead of the bright blue that Dean had fallen for instead there would be weak and watery blue.

          “He can still pull through Dean, the Doctor said he has a good chance if he can make it past this round.” Sam reminded his brother.

          “Look at him Sammy, does he look like he can survive another round?” Dean pulled back enough to wave his arm at the man in the bed. Sam saw that Dean too was loosing weight and looked haggard. But being in a hospital for most of the hours of a day would do that to a person.

          “We got to be patient Dean, and we got to be strong, for Cas.” Sam tried to comfort him. God, he would sell his soul if that’s what it took to get Cas through this. But that’s not how the world worked so all Sam could do was be here for Dean.

          “Yeah, you’re right Sammy. For Cas.” Dean sighed and sank back to his chair. He reached out to take Cas’s hand in his own. Sam let out a shaky breath and placed his arm on his brothers shoulder hoping to give him some of his own strength.


	9. 9

 

          Sam had a secret. It wasn’t a bad secret, but it was a secret none the less. And as he stared at his girlfriend’s creamy skin stretched out on the bed he didn’t feel any guilt what-so-ever over his secret.

          See his girlfriend, Natalie, hated sleeping in a warm room. She insisted that the heat be turned down so that she could snuggle against Sam under the layers of blankets to keep warm. But every night before bed Sam would sneak behind her and turn the heat up. Why? Because when Natalie got hot she tended to flip on to her stomach and throw off the blankets. Which meant that every morning Sam was greeting with the smooth expanse of her back and ass free to the air. She never took her legs out of the covers and always insisted they be snuggled against one side but there was something about seeing her naked and exposed that made Sam smile every morning. He adored the way her long red hair fanned out behind her head and the way she tucked two arms under her pillow making her back muscles tense just the tiniest bit. She was fit and tanned and oh so yummy, with freckles covering her exposed skin like little constellations.

          “I can feel you starting Samuel.” She said in her thick Irish accent. There shouldn’t be something so sexy about that but there was. Her brilliant green eyes stayed closed but Sam saw her smiling slightly as he walked up to the bed to greet her good morning.

          “Why shouldn’t I stare?” he asked her with a smile as he knelt by the bed. He leaned forward to kiss her cheek and she finally opened one eye to stare at him warmly.

          “You’ve been running.” She said noticing his hair pulled back in a tie and the sweat covering him.

          “Dean texted early and woke me up. I didn’t want to disturb you.” He explained.

          “How is Freckles?” she asked yawning. It was horribly ironic for Natalie to call Dean Freckles but since he slapped her with Red first Sam just rolled his eyes and stayed quiet.

          “Good, him and Cas will be back around 7 tonight. He wanted me to make sure Baby was washed and ready for his return.” Sam rolled his eyes.

          “Let me pick them up? Please Sam?” she begged rolling over to rest on her back. Sam’s eyes locked on to the way her breasts jiggled and she laughed.

          “Uh…yeah?” Sam said distracted.

          “You know he’ll freak when he sees me driving right? Even though I’ve been driving on this side of the pond for three years now.” Natalie was grinning as Sam started to take off his clothes to climb in to bed with her.

          “You’re a cruel woman.” Sam said with absolutely no conviction as he leaned over her to kiss her soundly. Her hands tangled in his hair after pulling out the tie and throwing it where ever.

          “Why Samuel, what a strange way of courting you have.” She laughed against his lips.

          “Shut up and love me.” Sam growled.


	10. 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry, I'm so so sorry...just climbed into my brain and wouldn't leave until I wrote this...MCD AND MAJOR FEELS AHEAD

 

          “This is a great party Cas, Dean.” Garth slurred over his words as he hung off of Dean’s shoulder for the fourth time tonight. He was absolutely shit faced, as were most of the party guests, and Dean just laughed.

          “Thank you Garth. It’s a great way to say good bye to my twenties isn’t it?” Cas said happily looking around their crowded apartment. All of their friends were there and the place was bright with streamers and balloons.

          “Hey Jo, bet I can beat ya!” Garth called to the blonde haired girl who was winning arm wrestling matches and winning beer money for the week. Garth wandered away rocking from side to side and Dean chuckled.

          “It really is a great party babe.” Cas sighed happily and kissed Dean on the cheek sloppily.

          “Only the best for my man.” Dean pulled Cas into his arms. There was less of his love to hold these days but Dean cherished every scrawny inch of his body. He had loved Castiel for almost twenty years and he would love him for twenty more if God willed it.

          “I have one more surprise for you babe.” Dean said as Sam shushed everyone and flicked off most of the lights. Before Cas could ask any questions everyone was picking up Happy Birthday and Gabriel was struggling to carry in a very large, very bright, birthday cake. Cas gasped as Gabe wobbled a bit before placing the cake on their dining room table and stepping back with a wink to his baby brother.

          “Make a wish.” Dean nudged his boyfriend towards the mountain of flames and icing. Grinning his large toothy grin Cas leaned over and blew out all the candles. Everyone cheered and crowded around for a slice of cake made by Gabriel. As Dean watched Cas made his way through the crowd saying hello and thank you to each and every one of their friends. He was beaming, his pale sallow skin looking flushed for once. Dean worried about that but he knew Cas hadn’t had anything to drink tonight. His meds wouldn’t allow it.

          The clock on the mantle chimed for midnight but Dean knew the party was far from over. Gather a group of 20-somethings all in one place for a few drinks and there was no way anyone was leaving before dawn.

          “I’ve got a surprise for you too babe.” Cas said finally making his way to Dean. He grabbed on to his hand and pulled him towards the balcony. Outside he moved to the staircase that led to the upstairs patio. Dean’s eyes widened at the massive amount of pillows and blankets piled on to the roof top.

          “Come on, we can snuggle.” Cas pulled Dean along grinning at him proudly.

          “How in the hell did you get all these up here?” Dean asked Cas laughing as he burrowed in to the pile and pulled Dean in with him.

          “Sammy helped.” Cas shrugged. He managed to worm them around until he was snuggled on Dean’s chest. The bare weight of him made Dean’s heart ache. He remembered when Cas was lean and strong with runner’s muscles.

          “So you already knew you wanted to run out on your own birthday party?” Dean chuckled against Cas’s dark hair.

          “I have many plans Mr. Winchester.” Cas said in his horrible Russian accent. Dean laughed and pulled his face up for a kiss. It was meant to be loving and soft but quickly turned in to desire. Teeth nipped at lips, hands groped at clothing and soon Cas was straddling Dean’s waist.

          “Cas, baby…” Dean started to protest.

          “Shut up Dean, its been too long.” Cas scolded his love. And it had been, it had been weeks since Cas had had the energy to do more then weakly kiss his boyfriend. But now, now he would make up for that. He pinned Dean into the nest of blankets and pillows and showed him just how much he had missed the intimacy. He made love to Dean, he made sure to touch every inch of bare skin he could reach and he made sure to whisper all of his love in to Dean’s ears and he held him close.

          When they were both finally spent Dean lay over his boyfriend and panted. Cas had his arms around his shoulders tightly and Dean couldn’t really move much. But he didn’t mind at all.

          “Where did that come from baby?” Dean panted against Cas’s shoulder as Cas’s fingers trailed lazy designs over Dean’s smooth muscled back.

          “I wanted to go out with a bang.” Cas said and Dean thought he heard a slight slur to his voice.

          “What are you talking about?” Dean asked grinning and finally looking Cas in the eye. To his horror the bright blue was glassy and Cas wasn’t focusing on him at all.

          “Cas? Cas whats wrong?” Dean demanded trying to sit up but Cas’s arms just locked behind him and held him close.

          “I made my choice Dean.” Cas said rolling his eyes around so that he could look at Dean. As Dean lay there on top of Cas he could feel his body going loose in under him.

          “What have you done Cas?” Dean asked sitting back and pulling Cas in to his lap. His boyfriend went limply along and gave Dean a weak grin.

          “Doctor assisted Dean. I met with Doc Barnes this week. She gave me something.” Cas slurred. He was entirely loose in Dean’s arms and Dean held him close.

          “Cas, no baby no. Tell me you didn’t.” Dean begged as Cas’s head lolled in his arms.

          “I’m tired Dean, so tired.” Cas replied looking up at the night sky.

          “Don’t do this to me baby, don’t leave me like this.” Dean’s cheeks were covered in falling tears and Cas weakly lifted his hand up to wipe one away.

          “Its for you Dean, its all for you. You deserve to be happy.” He whispered as Dean leaned down to press his forehead against Cas’s.

          “You selfish miserable bastard.” Dean sobbed as Cas’s blinks became longer.

          “Yes, I guess I am.” Cas said and gave Dean a weak grin.

          “I love you Castiel, I can’t do this without you baby.” Dean whispered in Cas’s ear.

          “You’re strong Dean, much stronger then you let yourself believe. You’ll go on.” Cas sighed. He rolled his head so that he could press his cold lips to Dean’s.

          “I don’t want to be alone Cas.” Dean sobbed.

          “Then don’t be. Promise me that Dean, promise me you won’t be alone.” Cas insisted and eventually Dean nodded his agreement even if it was all a lie.

          “I love you Dean Winchester, I always have.” Cas sighed out. Dean sobbed and held on to the man he loved more then life itself. He pinned Cas against his chest and even long after he felt Cas let out his last breath he refused to let him go.

          It was sunrise before Sam came and found him in his blanket nest still holding Cas’s body to his chest. Sam sobbed as he wrapped his brother in his arms and tried to offer any comfort he could.


	11. 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Confession time! This is almost word for word how my husband proposed to me lol He later told me he had made plans to 'do it right' at a big family dinner later that month, with a ring, but me being me I stole his thunder. He probably still would have done it the family dinner way but the next morning I told my mom and it was all over from there. Ten years married :)

To his death bed Castiel will secretly attest that Dean didn’t mean to propose when he did, the way he did. The older Winchester might not be in to ‘chick flick’ moments as he calls them but he has a secret romantic streak a mile wide. So Cas was sure that Dean had made plans to ‘do it right’ but got caught up in the moment.

          They were laying in bed, the day long over and the bunker silent as everyone slept. Cas and Dean were spooning naked, Dean pressed up against Cas’s back as they both began to drift off to sleep. Dean had his arm around Cas’s waist holding him as close to him as possible as he always did. Cas was being lulled by the warmth of Dean against him and the steady rhythm of his heart against his back. Dean was burying his nose in the short hairs on Cas’s head until he placed one tender kiss against his neck.

          “Marry me.” The words were whispered against Cas’s skin and even though not the second before Cas was on the verge of sleep he quickly opened his eyes. He wrapped his fingers in Dean’s and squeezed.

          “Of course.” He replied just as quietly. Dean stiffened behind him, which made Cas realize maybe he had thought the other man asleep, and then Cas was rolling over and kissing Dean deeply. When he pulled back Dean was giving him a warm smile and Cas was grinning ear to ear.

          So there was no big scene, no prepared speech, no romantic gesture to impress a crowd. Hell there wasn’t even a ring, which Sammy would tease Dean about later (Geeze Dean, you proposed without a ring?) but as they lay in the dark, skin on skin and warm under the blankets it was the perfect moment.


	12. 12

          They never tell you that the unspoken arguments are the ones that can tear everything apart. Even through the screaming, tears and throwing of breakable things a few words slip through an argument and actually get heard. Not so with a silent argument. You know the ones, the ones that you have when you’ve been with your partner so long that just being in the same room as them you can tell there’s something wrong. The lay of their shoulders, the way they move around you with no random touches or stray kisses. And you don’t want to start the argument so you just try to ignore them as much as possible and hope they’ll get over it or talk to you first. Some times they do and some times they don’t. This was one of the times they didn’t.

          “Whats up with you and Cas?” Sam asked Dean when they were sitting in a random diner having breakfast. Normally the former angel would be with them but he had frostily refused the invitation this time and didn’t even see them off from the bunker.

          “I have no idea man.” Dean said in a moment of rare honesty.

          “What the hell did you do now?” Sam accused his brother and Dean sputtered.

          “What makes you think I did something? Maybe it was him? You ever think about that you big girly haired moose?” Dean said trying to keep his voice from rising more then it already had.

          “Girly haired moose? Wow, it must be a bad one.” Sam just shook his head.

          “Shut up Sammy.” Dean sighed and hunched himself over his steaming coffee cup. In all honesty he had no idea what had Cas all up in a mood. He had racked his brain over it for three days and still no answers. Sure he did things to annoy Cas, just like Cas did things to annoy him. Like the way he could _never_ seem to get his socks in to the laundry basket by their door. Or that he refused to look up a recipe and always attempted to ‘wing it’ when it was his night to cook. What about how he turned in to some kind of alien octopus at night and wrapped himself so tight around Dean that the man woke up in a puddle of their combined sweat. Ok maybe that one wasn’t so bad. Dean had to admit he had been sleeping better then he had in years since Cas shared his bed.

          “How long has he been like this?” Sam asked his brother after letting him stew for a few minutes.

          “Four days.” Dean sighed. Four long ass days. Four days of icy silence and clipped answered questions. Four days of sleeping stiff as a board in his own bed for fear of setting Cas off some how. And four days of no sex…none what so ever. No kissing, no touching, no handjobs, no early morning 4 AM surprise sex…nothing.

          “Yikes. And you’re sure you didn’t do anything to piss him off?”

          “We were out in Illinois when it started Sam. I have no idea what I could have done. I mean we were hunting, its not like that gives me vast opportunities to fuck everything up.” Dean told him brother forlornly.

          “Did you flirt with a waitress again?” Sam asked.

          “Hell no, you know I don’t do that any more.”

          “Bartender? Local cop? Motel maid?”

          “Jesus Christ Sammy.” Dean glared at him. “NO!”

          “Are you 100% sure Dean? Cause some times you do it and you don’t even realize it.”

          “I haven’t so much as looked twice at any one else since I got with Cas Sam. Don’t want to, don’t need to.” Dean told him.

          “Alright so it wasn’t that then. Did you maybe laugh at him when he wasn’t trying to be funny again?”

          “Oh hell no, I learned my lesson on that. Now I look for his tells before I even open my mouth.” Dean shuddered as he remembered the glare he had received the last time he has laughed at Cas when he wasn’t supposed to. Ice cold feet had been his surprise bed partner for days.

          “Well then why don’t you just ask him?”

          “Because its not like he’s mad mad. Its more like he’s trying NOT to be mad. And if I ask about it then it’ll make him mad and that would be even worse.” Dean tried to explain his reasoning and even to him it sounded stupid.

          “Ah come on man.” Sam sighed sitting back and giving his brother a bitch face.

          “I…ah fuck.” Dean said and let his head hit the table.

          “Yup.” Sam grinned.

 

          “Uh Cas?” Dean said slowly opening the door to their room and peeking his head inside. To his shock the former angel was sitting on the edge of the bed with his head in his hands. Dean took in the scene and then noticed Cas’s shoulders were shaking in an obvious sign of crying.

          “Fuck Cas, baby, what’s wrong? Tell me.” Dean rushed in the room and went to his knees in front of Cas. He grabbed his hands and pulled them away from his face to see those perfect blue eyes rimmed red.

          “Dean…” Cas sobbed and threw himself into Dean’s arms. Dean wrapped him up and held him while he sobbed against his chest. Dean was trying to talk himself down from a full blown panic attack. Cas never cried, never like this. Sure he would let out a few drops at some sappy movie or even when he saw his beehive out on the hill attracting actual bees. But Cas never cried like this.

          “Cas? Baby, you got to talk to me, tell me what’s wrong? Are you hurt? Did something happen while I was away?” Dean urged the smaller man but Cas just shook his head and burrowed himself deeper against Dean. So Dean settled his ass back on the concrete floor, pulled his angel into his lap and just let Cas cry.

          Because while no one tells you that the silent arguments are the ones that can be terrifying, its also the silent apologies that can be the most comforting. Maybe Dean had done something to start Cas on his silent fit, maybe it had been something he had never even noticed himself doing. But right now he didn’t care what had happened, how Cas had handled it or even if he’d ever figure it out. Right now all he cared about was holding his angel, letting him take comfort in his embrace and praying that he would be alright.


	13. 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is a continuation on an earlier chapter where Castiel discovers Dean's soul reborn in a new body...strongly recommend reading that chapter before this one :)

PT 2

          “I…I don’t understand.” Castiel struggled to understand what the woman driving, the woman who was really Dean Winchester, was saying. She had insisted that she drive Castiel’s old Cadillac since the angel was having a bit of a break down. And who could blame him. He had just seen the soul of the one human he had loved above all others in another body. And apparently this other body remembered him.

          “I’m sorry Cas, I know this is hard for you. It was a pretty good shock to me too when I started to remember. But Chuck explained to me that because of the short time in between my rebirth I was able to break through the normal barriers and…” she trailed off as Castiel just stared at her.

          “Breath for me Cas.” She gave him a small smile. Castiel couldn’t help himself, she was just…beautiful. And not just because of the soul that shone from every pore, the green eyes that looked straight through him into his grace. But because she was truly stunning. Her hair was the same dark sandy blonde of Dean’s but longer and pulled back into a ponytail at the nap of her neck. Her skin was slightly tanned and had a sprinkling of freckles. Her body, though small and compact, was toned and curved in all the right places. Castiel didn’t know how to control his body’s reaction and that made him feel even more confused.

          “Did you say Chuck?” Castiel latched on to the part of the story he had actually heard.

          “Yup, good ol’ Chuck. Came to me in a dream if you can believe that.” She smiled at him.

          “I…Dean…” Castiel struggled some more.

          “Kris, its Kris.” She said watching the road with more attention than needed.

          “What?” Cas was lost again.

          “My name is Kristine, I use Kris for short.” She said not looking at him still.

          “Kristine…” Cas tasted the name in his mouth. It wasn’t Dean, but he liked it all the same.

          “So yeah, Chuck knew I was having memory lapses and he came to me in a dream. Told me all about Dean Winchester, and you Cas. Helped me accept the past and told me to work for the future. I became a hunter and I…” Kris paused in her story to look over at him shyly.

          “What is it?”

          “I wondered if I should l find you. I know Dean told you to live your life and I didn’t want to interrupt that. But every hunter gets the ‘angel of the hunters’ lecture and when I worried I called for you. I hope that’s alright.”

          “I…I have no idea how to deal with this.” Castiel said honestly placing his head in his hands in a completely human gesture.

          “It’s a lot to take in for sure.” Kris agreed as she pulled off to the motel she was staying at. Her car was parked in front of her room and she pulled in beside it.

          “What about Sam?” Cas asked as she shut off the engine and just sat there. Her slender fingers toyed with a stray string on her jeans.

          “He was happy in his heaven, he had Jess and he had his perfect life. He didn’t even have his family, not the Winchesters, but then again Sammy wanted out right?” Kris said. “Chuck let me look in on him while he was explaining all this.”

          “My Father seems to make a lot of special exceptions for you.” Cas said with a small smile.

          “Maybe I’m special.” She smirked over at him and Cas gave her a smile in return. It was so familiar but so new at the same time.

          “Would you like to come in Cas?” she asked him after a minute of silence in the car.

          “Is that a wise decision?” he asked her honestly. He knew his body was responding to hers but was his feelings for her or for soul?

          “Just to talk Cas.” She said and he saw the blush on her cheeks.

          “Ok.” He said. He really didn’t want to be alone again right now, and he still had so many questions. He also didn’t want to let go of the feeling her soul was giving him, being in such close proximity to his missing piece of grace was soothing after so long completely without it. So he got out of the car and followed Kris to the room

          It was such a very typical motel room that Cas had a wave of nostalgia walking in the door and looking around. It was the usual tacky wallpaper, scratchy carpet and questionable looking bedspread. On the little dresser was a black duffle bag stuffed with Kris’s clothes and other stuff.

          “I need to shower off this demon gunk, are you ok out here by yourself?” Kris asked him grabbing some clothes.

          “I am an angel.” Cas replied and Kris smiled.

          “We’ll talk more when I get cleaned up ok Cas?” she asked him and he nodded. He perched on the end of the single bed and waited while he heard the shower running. His mind was in shambles. Dean was back, but not back at all. Castiel could sense the same vibrancy from Kris that Dean had possessed, the same dry sense of humor and sense of righteousness. But he also felt her power, her sense of self worth that had never been Dean’s. How was she in this life? How was she alone? Was she in this life because of what Chuck had revealed to her? And speaking of his wayward Father, why in all of heaven didn’t he ever contact Castiel? He had prayed and begged for guidance when Dean had died and not a single peep. Was he not important enough for the Lord?

          “Castiel?” Cas whipped his head up to see Kris standing in the door way of the bathroom drying her hair with a towel. She was wearing a pair of ripped jeans and a plain black tank top. All she needed was the flannel to finish off the Winchester signature look.

          “Why did my Father come to you and never me?” Cas blurted out before he could stop himself.

          “Oh Cas.” Kris sighed walking to the bed and dropping down to kneel in front of him. She used her fingers to spread his legs and then wrapped her arms around his waist. It was such an intimate act, her head going to lay on his chest and her hands rubbing soothing circles on his back. Cas sat there unsure of how to react, his body wishing for more but his mind still unable to process anything.

          “I don’t know Cas, but I know that you don’t deserve it. You don’t deserve anything you’ve been forced to go through. Dean loved you, so much it scared him. He was unable to show you that but trust me it was there. I can feel it now, in my soul I can feel the connection.” She said against his coat.

          “I still love him as well.” Cas said letting his hand come up and stroke through Kris’s wet hair. It was soft and cool against his fingers.

          “I’m sorry I’m not him Cas. I’m sorry you got to put up with this substitute instead.” She sighed.

          “Don’t ever apologize for being who you are Kris.” Castiel said. Too often people weren’t who they wanted to be but in this case Kris had never had a choice. She had been born with someone else’s baggage. And he vowed to make himself see her, not Dean.

          “Would you like something to eat Kristine? I can get you something.” He offered as she pulled back with a blush on her cheeks.

          “I could eat.” She shrugged getting to her feet and going to her bag. There were hair supplies pulled out that Cas had never seen before and it was of course another reminder that she was not Dean.

          “What would you like? I will get it and bring it back here while you rest.”

          “Burgers are good.” She smiled brushing her hair.

          “Some things never change.” Castiel smiled.

 

          When he returned from the diner Kris was sitting at the small table with a laptop in front of her. Her delicate brow was creased in concentration and Cas smiled to himself. Something he caught himself doing more today than he had in the last half century.

          “Burgers and pie.” Cas said laying the food on the table before pulling out a chair for himself.

          “Pie?” she asked looking through the bag. She pulled out a piece of thick cherry pie and placed it down before grabbing one of the burgers.

          “Dean loved pie.” Cas explained and then cursed himself when her smile faded.

          “I’m more of a cake girl. When I can get away with eating it. The last thing a hunter needs is a sugar baby.” Kris rambled on as she tried to look anywhere but at Cas.

          “I’m sorry Kris, I shouldn’t have…”

          “Its fine Cas, don’t worry about it. At least you got a good one, not something horrible like coconut cream.” She shuddered.

          “I think I have much to learn about you Kris.” Cas said.

          “Good thing I like having you around then.” She gave him a quick grin before tucking into her burger. 

          “I’d like to stay, if you’ll have me.” Cas said and she looked up at him chewing and trying not to spit food.

          “I think I’d like that Cas.” She nodded to him when she could swallow. “Every hunter needs an angel for backup.”

          “Tell me about yourself. Where are your parents? How did you become a hunter?” Castiel asked while she ate. She even humored him by eating most of the pie.

          “Parents live in Newark, born and raised back about five generations. I had a pretty normal childhood I guess. It was me, Mom and Dad with about five Uncles and Aunts all in one city block. Everyone knew when you messed with one of the Taskers then you messed with the entire neighborhood.” She smiled fondly.

          “You are a Tasker?” he picked up on her last name.

          “Kristine Deanna Tasker.” She replied.

          “Deanna…” Cas was a little thrown again.

          “Fate right?” she shrugged. She pushed away her remaining pie and gave Cas a steady look.

          “I have no siblings, I have a great relationship with my parents and I have college degrees in civil and structural engineering.”

          “So why be a hunter?”

          “Because things go bump in the night no matter what you had planned for your future.” She said. Castiel picked up on some hidden emotion there but didn’t know how to ask about it.

          “Who trained you?” he asked taking off his jacket and settling into the chair better. It was another habit left over from his human days.

          “I got some help from a hunter in Washington, he’s gone now.” She said sadly.

          “I still don’t understand why Kris.” Castiel said honestly.

          “When I found out who I had been I couldn’t just sit back and ignore it Cas. I have a pretty big legacy to fulfill and Dean wouldn’t have been able to just sit back and let people die. He…he still has so much to give Cas.”

          “But he’s dead.”

          “But his memory, his abilities and all his passion…its all right here Cas.” She said tapping her temple. Her green eyes were shiny like her emotions were getting out of her control.

          “You can’t live your life trying to live up to his name.”

          “What am I supposed to do?” she asked him honestly. Cas had no answer to that.

          “What about me?”

          “To be honest Castiel I’m not sure. I look at you and I have a slightly skewed image. I know you through his memories, his feelings but I also know all about the stories that hunters circulate about you. You’re strong, brave and so incredibly loyal. Its intimidating.” She said. “I know you look at me and only see him.”

          “That’s not true, you’re not entirely like him. Not very much at all actually.” Cas told her.

          “Well I can think of three things I got that Dean didn’t.” Kris said smirking.

          “See that right there is all Dean.” Cas actually laughed surprising himself and Kris.

          “Oh trust me handsome, those things are so totally _not_ Dean.” Cas flushed a deep red when he caught what she meant. And that just made Kris laugh harder.

          “Don’t worry Cas, I promise I’ll keep my three favorite body parts to myself.” Kris chuckled before standing and stretching with a yawn.

          “You need rest.” Cas said trying to ignore the pang her comment made in his chest.

          “Sure do Cas. You going to take the couch while I get my five hours?” she asked wandering over to the bed and flopping down.

          “I will watch over you.” Cas said automatically.

          “Surprisingly not as creepy now.” He heard Kris mumble but she was already half asleep cuddling into her pillow before he could ask about it.

 

          Travelling and hunting together was relatively easy with Kris. She knew her stuff but she was willing to listen to his suggestions and ideas. It was refreshing to say the least. Their time together was usually spent chatting about everything from Castiel’s eons long memories to Kris’s experiences growing up in Newark. As time passed their evenings together were changed from just sitting and talking to watching movies or Netflix. Castiel still had an obsession with Netflix and Kris would tease him relentlessly.

          So that was why they were here in the middle of the United States at some random motel catching up on shows Castiel had barely even heard of while Kris slowly snuggled her way closer to the angel. Castiel noticed that she was getting closer and closer to him as the nights went on but tonight she was actually so close that he could reach out and wrap an arm around her shoulders.

          “Kristine, may I ask you something?” Cas asked folding his hands in his lap to resist that urge to bring her closer.

          “Anything Cas.” She said giving him a gentle smile. It was a nice thing she did, always making sure he was at ease when he wanted to talk about uncomfortable topics.

          “Are you attracted to me?” Cas asked. Kris’s eyes widened at his bluntness and a flush rose to her face to highlight her delicate cheek bones and dusting of freckles.

          “Of course I am.” She answered but her eyes wouldn’t meet his.

          “Why are you embarrassed?” Castiel asked her.

          “Come on Cas.” Kris said raising from the sofa and pacing the floor. It was such a… _Dean_ action that Cas couldn’t help but track her.

          “No, please explain it to me. I…I don’t understand.”

          “Exactly Cas, you don’t understand. You could never understand. You’re not human.” Kris was exasperated. She was throwing her hands in the air and pacing faster.

          “No, I am not.” Cas agreed.

          “Plus there’s so much fucking history between you and Dean that I just feel like an outsider most of the time. I have all these feelings for you, all this desire I can’t control. But how can I know if its mine or Dean’s?” Kris paced more. Castiel rose to track her movements better.

          “Every time I look at you I remember things Castiel, things I wasn’t even alive to remember.” Kris’s voice had a strange panic quality to it now. Cas reached out to still her movements but she shrugged off his hand.

          “And what really makes it bad is that I know when you look at me, you don’t see me. You see him. You remember him. You love him.” Kris said. This time Cas didn’t just make an attempt he reached out and pulled her to him. Kris barely reached his chin, she was so small and delicate and so very not Dean.

          She looked up at him. Her green eyes held so much uncertainty. Cas reached up with one hand to cup her jaw. His thumb moved over smooth skin.

          “When I look at you I see you Kristine. I see a young, strong, brilliant woman who has been forced to take a back seat to history. I do not see Dean. I see you.” Cas said before leaning down and placing one chaste kiss on her lips. When he pulled back he looked at her with uncertainty.

          She just looked at him, green eyes flicking between deep blue. Castiel started to think he had overstepped his bounds so he began to pull back. But Kris tightened her grip on his arms.

          “I don’t know if its my desire for you or his but I know I can’t fight it any more. I don’t _want_ to fight it any more.” She said before reaching to his neck and pulling his lips back to hers. Her fingers wandered to his tangled mess of black hair and pulled him as close as she could. Cas wasn’t really thinking about much besides _lips, kiss, need_. Her mouth worked on his while he greedily wrapped her in his arms and held her close. His body was tight, his entire system afire with desire. And when Kris moaned into his mouth, her tongue fighting its way inside his mouth, he was sure his capacity for human thought was gone.

          He lifted Kris in his arms, her weight barely registering in his addled mind, and walked with her to the crappy motel bed. The springs squeak and there’s a faint smell that Castiel doesn’t want to identify but all he could concentrate on is the feel of Kris’s lips against his. Now the kiss has moved from soft and timid to dirty and dangerous. Teeth are involved, there’s a lot of spit that no one is paying attention to and the sounds that are coming out of the girl in under him are delicious.

          “Kristine, I…I don’t know how to proceed.” Castiel admits with a blush and a growl at his own ineptitude. For heaven’s sake he had only done this once and that wasn’t exactly a benchmark performance. Plus the dying afterwards of course.

          “Me either.” Kris admitted pulling away just enough to look at him shyly. Her long eyelashes were lowered just enough to peek at him.

          “Surely you’ve done this before?” Cas asked in surprise.

          “Can’t say that I have.” She awkwardly shrugs. Cas rears back in absolute shock.

          “But…” he stammers as Kris props herself up on her elbows to look at him.

          “I was waiting for you Castiel.” Kris’s voice is low, barely enough for Cas to actually hear. Castiel sits back on his heels and just stares are the beautiful woman who lay patiently on the bed. She was blushing, a deep pink shadow creeping down her face and into her neck, and Cas found that blush absolutely adorable.

          “You’ve never lain with a man?” Cas asked in a strangled voice. She shook her head and looked down at her own belly button.

          “Woman? Non binary?” Cas went on in no way prepared to accept the fact that she was a virgin.

          “I’ve never let anyone get that close to me.” She said looking up at him and now her gaze held defiance. “I knew you were out there and I knew if I gave in to my desires I would regret it if I ever found you. You are it for me Castiel, always have been.”

          Castiel didn’t know how to process this. He locked up, his mind flying quickly from one emotion to another. Kris watched as his vessel seemed to become stone.

          “Castiel, Cas? Come on Cas, don’t do this to me.” Kris pleaded as she sat up quickly and laid her hand on his stubbled jaw. Cas could feel her fingers, could even trace her fingerprints against his skin if he concentrated, but right now he was trying to regain control of his mind. He was panicking, he knew it, but was unable to stop himself.

          “I didn’t tell you to put pressure on you Castiel. I just wanted to be honest. No one has ever felt right, no one caught my interest as much as just the idea of you. He loved you Castiel and he desired you more than anyone in his life. It crossed over. But I want you to know its not just his desire I’m acting on, its mine.” Kris said trying to coax him back. When he didn’t respond she kneeled up to cup his face in her hands. She didn’t speak again, instead placing gentle kisses on his cheeks, chin, forehead, eyes and finally his lips. It was a soft comforting kiss, not meant to stir passion like the other kisses they had shared moments ago.

          “We don’t have to do a thing you don’t want to Castiel, I just want you here. With me.” She whispered against his lips. He finally found himself focusing on the deep green of her eyes.

          “There you are.” She smiled at him gently. Her smile was a truly beautiful thing and Cas leaned in to give her a quick kiss.

          “I’m sorry Kris, I just have a hard time accepting all this.” Cas apologized. He pulled her close to his body and wrapped his arms around her waist. While he was sat back on his hunches and she was on her knees she was taller then him at the moment.

          “I understand completely.” Kris assured him. She gently trailed her fingers over his cheeks and along his neck. Cas shivered at the touch.

          “Maybe we can take it slow? You know kind of wine and dine first before we jump into bed?” Kris offered the hesitant angel. Castiel looked at her with his intense stare before smiling slightly.

          “You wish to be romanced?” he asked with a small smile.

          “I was thinking I’d romance you.” Kris smirked and Cas let out a little huff of laughter.

          “May I still kiss you? I quite enjoyed the kissing.” Cas admitted and Kris blushed prettily.

          “Sure thing feathers, I liked that part too.” She agreed.

 

          So they took it slow. Kris took Castiel out on dates to movies and dinners when they had breaks in hunts and when they were between cases Castiel would take her on nature hikes or star gazing telling her all about the aging of the planet from an angel’s point of view. Kris was filled with questions and Cas found himself eager to answer every one of them. Date nights usually ended with them having hotter and hotter make out sessions but it hadn’t progressed beyond petting, which was giving both the angel and the human a sense of frustration. But neither of them wanted to say anything and push the other faster then they were willing to go. So they bided their time and let their frustration build until one morning Cas gave in to his desires.

          They were at some random motel and the sun light was streaming in through the thin curtains above the bed. Castiel wasn’t sleeping but he had taken to holding Kris while she slept at night. He was in just boxer shorts and he was in the bed with her when she woke up and smiled at him shyly.

          “Morning.” She said leaning up to give him a quick kiss on the cheek. Cas moved his arms so she could get out of the bed and do those things humans seemed to do in the mornings. He leaned up on one elbow to watch the way her legs carried her across the room. He loved her legs. They weren’t long but in proportion to her body they seemed lengthy and delicate all at the same time. The little black boy shorts she wore hugged her ass nicely and Cas could just see the shadow of her nipples through her white tank top when she came out of the bathroom. She smiled at him with a question in her eyes.

          “I think its time.” Cas said getting out of bed and striding across the room to her. Without a word he cupped her face with one hand and kissed her deeply. Kris was hesitant out of pure surprise but it didn't take her long to get into it. She let her hands rest on Cas's hips while she kneaded the skin there. The boxers he wore hung low and his skin was warm from the bed.

          “Time for what Cas?” she whispered against his lips as he let his hands trail down her back and cup her ample ass. He massaged the muscle there and quickly lifted her up so that her legs were wrapped around his waist. Kris gave a throaty whimper as she felt how hard he was as he pushed against her core.

          “Want you Kris, need you.” Cas panted into her mouth as he pushed her back against the wall and rutted against her. For all of his reservation before he certainly was making up for it now. His hands were in a dozen places at once and Kris just let her head fall back against the wall while her body was wracked with sensation. Castiel's fingers were long and nimble as he worked off her shirt and kneaded her breasts. His lips peppered kisses along her jawline and her neck all the while he was whispering sweet nothings against her skin.

          “You're so soft...so warm...so responsive...” he whispered and Kris moaned under his ministrations.

          “Please Cas, need you...” she begged as her hands fisted in his soft hair. A not so gentle tug had him growling against her skin.

          “I can’t promise this will be slow or gentle.” He said pulling back enough to look up into those green eyes.

          “Don’t care, just fuck me Cas.” She begged him against his lips. Those words, those vulgar begging words made Cas growl and spin them around quickly. Before she could gasp out a breath Castiel had her laid back against the bed and was kissing his way down her body and tonguing the edge of those lacy little boy shorts.

          “So pretty.” He murmured as he used his teeth to slide them down. Kris watched him enraptured as he worshipped every inch of her body.

          “I…I thought you were new to this…” Kris said barely above a whisper as Cas trailed his fingers down her soft skin before kicking off his own underwear.

          “I am.” Cas said with a grin. “I’m just doing what feels good.”

          “Instinct Castiel?” Kris gave him a saucy smirk.

          “Is it a good instinct?” Cas began the short crawl up her body.

          “Very very good.” Kris assured him. He lay over her and kissed her while her mind blanked due to every sensation he was pulling from her body. It was invigorating, overwhelming and oh so long overdue. Kris, for her part, gasped and panted and writhed and scrapped her nails along his tanned and toned body. Soon it wasn’t enough.

          “I need more Castiel, I need you.” Kris said feeling him solidly between her legs. She wrapped her legs around his waist and tried to pull him closer. Instead of the teasing he had been doing up to that moment Cas just let himself satisfy both of their desires and slipped inside.

          Kris was so very tight…and hot…and perfect around him. Castiel drew in a sharp breath to stop himself from moving too much too fast. Kris, for her part, threw her head back and sank her nails into his shoulder blades. Little did she know it was the exact spot where his wings attached to his human vessel. By doing so it made him jerk against her and he pushed further much faster then he had anticipated. Kris gave a sharp yelp as he took her virginity with much less gentility then he had planned.

          “Oh Kris, I’m sorry, I didn’t…” Cas froze in his movements and looked down at watery green eyes.

          “Its alright Castiel, please move.” Kris surprised him. She dug her nails in again and surged up against him. Apparently she wasn’t worried about being gentle at all. So Castiel did as she wished and let himself move inside of her.

          It was glorious. Each thrust and pull was met with eager passion and soon they were both sweat slicked and breathless. Cas pushed himself up on to his knees so that he could push in to Kris harder, faster. She threw her head back and the sounds he drew from her were purely divine. But never once did their eyes break their gaze. Through it all, the gasping and groping and grappling, they maintained eye contact and in the moment that Kristine’s body tightened around him Castiel saw Heaven.

          “Kristine!” he shouted as he threw his head to the ceiling and felt his grace pour through his vessel. He distinctly heard the rustling of feathers as his wings burst into this plane and his true voice shattered every single glass surface in the room.

          They were plunged in to darkness, illuminated only by the glowing of Castiel’s eyes and the iridescence of his wings. Cas slumped over Kristine and panted as he came down from his orgasmic high.

          “Are…are you ok?” He managed to slur out as he tried to move so that his weight wasn’t suffocating the small woman in under him.

          “I’m fantastic Cas.” He could hear the grin in her voice and that helped to relax the tension he hadn’t realized he was holding.

          “I love you Kristine.” Cas breathed out moving to lay a soft kiss on her lips.

          “You’d better.” She smirked. Cas let out a surprised burst of laughter and then extracted himself from her body. It was not sexy in the slightest and his wings made it difficult to find a comfortable position on his back but when Kris rolled over and curled against him he found he could deal with the messiness of humanity.

          “Thank you Kris.” He said laying a soft kiss against her forehead as she used her tiny feet to maneuver the covers up over them.

          “A tip for the future Cas, never ever say thank you after sex. It makes me sound like I gave you a pity fuck.” Kris teased him.

          “Did you?” Cas teased her back.

          “If it was then I implore you to keep on begging for pity.” She grinned against his skin before kissing it softly.

          “I am only a poor angel wandering this plane alone.” He said in a small pathetic voice. Kris chuckled as she ran her fingers over his toned chest.

          “My angel.” She whispered turning her face so that she could lay the gentlest of kisses against his ebony feathers.

          “Only ever yours.” He agreed.


	14. 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam needs comfort and he calls on the one creature who can give it to him

         Most days Sam was able to smile through the pain, push through the debilitating ache in his chest and be what he was supposed to be. He was a hunter, a strong researcher, the brains to Dean’s brawn, half of the infamous Winchester Brothers who could take down anything and everything. But in the dark of the bunker, in the silence of his own room, the coldness of his bed, Sam couldn’t be that person any more.

          He knew he had locked the door but he crept over there anyways to make sure. The last thing he needed was for Dean or Cas to come knocking and catch him in the middle of this. They might sympathize but Dean would use it as canon fodder for teasing for the rest of their lives. Being strong was important to Dean. So he double checked his lock, crept back to his bed and knelt.

          The concrete was cold on his knees and he reminded himself once again to get a rug for his room. If this was home then he should at least try and make it that way. He folded his hands together and bent his head with a deep breath in. The silence of the room was broken on by his quiet words. He closed his eyes and began his prayer.

          “Gabriel, archangel of the lord and part time trickster…I need you.” He pleaded in to the darkness. He didn’t open his eyes, didn’t say another word, instead just waited. Some times he came, some times he didn’t. He was supposed to be dead after all.

          “Hey Sam.” Came the quiet not quite serious voice of the angel behind him. Sam finally stood.

          “Hey Gabe.” Sam greeted his friend.

          “Its been a while.” Gabriel said not stepping any closer. He didn’t wear his usual get up of jeans and green jacket, tonight he seemed to be trying to be more angelic in a soft white pair of pants with a light shirt of the same shade. Sam remembered seeing the same outfit in deserts. His hair was still kinda long and floppy though.

          “I’ve been using some of those techniques you taught me.” Sam explained. Despite his constant sarcasm and mischief nature Gabriel was actually one of the most angry and powerful creatures Sam had ever encountered. So when he gave you advice on how to drown out that anger you listened.

          “Good good. How is my brother?” he asked as always.

          “Uh, great. Pretty tired with all the recent activity, but good. Dean seems to be hovering more so I think they might actually be going for it.” Sam smirked and Gabe chuckled. They both knew that Dean and Castiel would eventually fall in together but the amount of denial on their parts was hilarious to the others.

          “Let’s hope so.” Gabe smirked back. Finally he raised his hand and indicated the bed.

          “Shall we?” he asked and Sam nodded before they both stepped back to the bed. Gabriel leaned back against the headboard and spread his legs making room for Sam’s giant frame. Sam gratefully laid his head down on the angels lap and closed his eyes and Gabriel’s strong fingers stroked through his hair. It was comforting and Sam felt himself start to relax finally.

          “What happened?” Gabriel asked in a soft voice. Some times Sam was still surprised with this side of Gabe. He was so outgoing in front of others but Sam got to see the side of him that made him finally break through all Sam’s walls. He could be the terrifying archangel Gabriel, he could be the frustrating Trickster God Loki, he could even be the little shit Gabe that was a personality all its own. But with Sam he was the soft gentle touch Sam needed.

          “Eileen.” Sam breathed out in a shaky breath. That one word was all Gabriel needed. He continued to stroke his fingers through Sam’s hair but now he started to hum an ancient and soothing tune. Sam never knew what the tunes were, if they had ever been recorded by humans at all or if they were angelic lullabies. All he knew was that they soothed the ache in his soul like nothing else could.

          No more words were spoken as Gabriel comforted the human he had claimed as his own. There were no marks like Castiel had so callously left on Dean, there was no ring in the human tradition but Gabriel was declared to all and every that Samuel Winchster, the boy with the demon blood, true vessel of Lucifer, future King Of Hell, was his and his alone. Sam didn’t know the extent of the claiming. No that would come in time when Gabriel was ready to be back in the world of man. For now Gabriel just came when Sam called. When he needed to be broken down and soothed from all the darkness in his world. Gabriel would let him live, let him love (like he did with Eileen) and when Sam was ready he would finally patch their souls together like his Father had intended.

          “Thank you Gabriel.” Sam said as he began to drift off into a nightmare free sleep.

          “Always Sam.” Gabriel whispered back content.


	15. 15

“This sucks.” The feisty red head said as they gathered in the pub to watch yet another episode of Supernatural. Except this time it wasn’t the books she adored but instead a ‘reality’ show.

          “And yet here we are.” Came the maudlin reply from the man with the trucker hat pulled low over his face.

          “Every damn day.” Agreed a smoky voice that belonged to the dark haired woman.

          “But guys, this really sucks! Look at them, they aren’t happy. They can’t even see happy if they tried.” Charlie protested at the tv as she watched Sam and Dean trudge through yet another case they could care less about.

          “That’s life kid, you think any hunter is really happy? No, that’s how we end up hunters.” Bobby replied sipping his beer.

          “They’ll be alright Charlie, they always are.” Kevin said patting Charlie companionably on the shoulder.

          “But they deserve to be better then alright.” She sulked.

          “We all did kid.” Pam sighed. Ellen came up behind the bar and laid out a fancy martini in front of Charlie.

          “The hunter life ain’t good kid. But its what they do.” She tried to explain to Charlie.

          “I know.” Charlie sighed. She watched the tv and mulled over this version of heaven.

          They had all had their chance at their own perfect slice of the afterlife. Living out their dreams and happiness in total oblivion to the fact that they were dead. But instead, somehow, they had all broken free and ended up here at the Roadhouse. Day in and day out they all gathered at the worn wooden bar to watch the Winchesters fight the good fight on the large tv in the corner.

          “No one new tonight?” Jo asked her mom as she rinsed up the glasses behind the bar.

          “Not yet.” Ellen told her.

          Some nights when they all got here they saw new faces, someone that had meant something to the Winchesters who was now in the land of the ever after. The last one had been Eileen, the pretty deaf girl who was currently shooting pool in the corner with Ash. Jessica sat at a table near them watching attentively. For some reason she had taken to Eileen immediately and made it her mission to accompany the girl everywhere.

          “They seem to be coming in fewer and farther in between.” Pam commented.

          In silence they all agreed. The Winchesters weren’t letting themselves care for any one much these days. Dean especially.

          “At least they got their Mom back.” Kevin said trying to sound positive.

          “And look what that accomplished.” Bobby said angrily. The entire bar had sat motionless and silent the night Mary had walked out on the boys. Even in the farthest corner, shrouded in shadow and emanating unhappiness, John had been unable to stop from swearing and slamming down his beer when Mary had left the bunker. That was the last night he had come in to the bar.

          “I don’t understand any of this.” Charlie sighed. She looked around at her new mismatched family and had to fight the tears that wanted to spring.

          “No one does girlie.” Bobby said patting her back soothingly. “But this is what they were born for.”

          “Castiel is back.” Pam said a little unhappily. Which was understandable since the damn idiot had blinded her back on earth.

          “And don’t get me started on that whole mess!” Charlie threw her hands up in the air.

          “Let it go Charlie, Destiel is never going to happen.” Kevin rolled his eyes at her.

          “But they are so in love! Its like some great fairytale love story and neither of them can see it.” She almost sobbed. Those two idiots!

          “Dean is so far in the closet he’s bypassed Narnia all together.” Jo chuckled.

          “I kind of had hope after Benny but…” Jessica said coming up to the bar with a grin. She looked at the tv and gave a low sigh as Sam crossed the screen.

          “If he didn’t admit to himself that he’s at least bi after Purgatory then it’ll never happen Charlie, sorry.” Jo shook her head.

          “But the stupid angel is RIGHT THERE!” Charlie flung her hand in the direction of the tv. As usual Dean and Cas were having one of their epic eye sex moments.

          “And until Chuck grabs the two by the scruff and shoves em together it ain’t never gonna happen.” Bobby said to her.

          “How in the hell did you raise such an oblivious person Bobby?” Ellen asked wiping down the bar.

          “I blame their father.” Bobby chuckled. “I always knew Dean had an eye for the boys just as much as the girls but John insisted I didn’t know what I was talking about.”

          “Do you think…”

          “No. John made a lot of mistakes with those boys but there is no way in hell he would ever make Dean hide who he was. He didn’t know, still doesn’t.” Bobby insisted looking towards the dark table where John used to sit.

          “I just…its so sad.” Charlie said deflating once again and sipping her martini.

          “Yeah, it is.” Keven agreed.

          Silence fell over the bar once again as they all settled in for the latest episode of Supernatural to play out.


	16. Sabriel

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> inspired by a picture I saw on FB...if I can figure out how to add it here I will lol

Sam had never once considered himself attracted to men. He had gone his whole life looking at girls, dating girls, sleeping with girls. When the occasional guy did hit on him he would politely thank them for their interest and explain that he wasn’t gay. He didn’t consider it a big deal. That was until he met Gabriel.

          Gabriel did consider himself attracted to men. He was attracted to everything and everyone. The correct term, he later explained to Sam over a cup of hot chocolate one December afternoon, was pansexual. And while he did have a few girlfriends, a few boyfriends, a few binary non specifics, he didn’t want anything more then a roll in the hay with Sam Winchester. When he said as much of course Sam had politely turned him down but didn’t walk away when Gabe offered to buy him a drink in the name of friendship.

          That was almost 6 months ago and now they were the best of friends who rarely went more then three days without seeing each other. Dean liked to joke that Sam was merely using Gabe as a means to deal with his serial monogamy without the downside of a real relationship. Sam had bitched his brother out about that statement for a while but now he found himself wondering if it were true. He also found himself wondering if Gabriel’s hair was as soft as it looked or if his skin was as warm as he thought. Feeling guilty and a little uncomfortable with the thoughts in his head Sam vowed to push it all down and just appreciate Gabriel’s friendship as it was.

          After a while though Gabriel’s baby brother Castiel accused Gabe of avoiding a relationship by pouring his heart and soul in to someone who couldn’t leave him. At least not in the heart breaking soul crushing way a partner could. Gabriel not so politely told Cas to fuck off. He ignored the intense pain the statement brought up. Memories and feelings he had long thought left behind reared their ugly head and he vowed to get Cas back for throwing him off like this. So of course he talked Sam into setting their brothers up to get them off their backs.

          That was how they found themselves out on a ‘double date’ of sorts while Dean and Cas eye fucked each other across the table of an expensive restaurant. It was immediately clear that even though the two had barely anything more in common then their brothers being friends, the chemistry was off the charts. Sam rolled his eyes and Gabe snickered in under his breath for most of the night.

          “Christ, lets never do that again.” Sam sighed as he parked in front of Gabriel’s little single level home on the outskirts of town.

          “Are you kidding me? That’s the most action I’ve had in months, and no one even looked in my direction!” Gabriel argued undoing his seat belt and turning to give Sam one of his trademark smirks.

          “I guess this means we’re going to be seeing them together now.” Sam made what Gabriel had nicknamed his bitchface.

          “Could be worse.” Gabe shrugged. He reached for the handle and then paused. “Hey Sammy?”

          “Yeah Gabe?” Sam asked looking over at his golden haired best friend.

          “Are we using each other as substitutes?” Gabe asked in what was without a doubt the most serious Sam had ever seen him.

          Sam didn’t try and joke around and ask what he meant. He knew. He knew what Gabe meant and he had been thinking it over in his own head for a while now. He couldn’t deny the accusation.

          “Listen Gabe, you’re my best friend man. And when I’m around you I don’t find myself looking as much as I might if I was with Dean. Maybe I’m scared, maybe I’m waiting for something. Who knows?” Sam mused out loud not looking over to see the little light of hope that his words ignited in Gabriel.

          “I know you aren’t attracted to men Sam but…”

          “I might be.” Sam interjected. Gabe turned to stare at Sam with his mouth open.

          “I’m not saying I am. I just don’t think I’m as rigidly straight as I always thought I was.” Sam admitted and when he looked over at Gabe he was grinning at him.

          “I knew it.” He chuckled lowering his head and trying to cover the blush that had crawled up his neck.

          “You knew what?” Sam asked him.

          “I knew I’d wear you down.” Gabe said glancing up and seeing Sam huff out a laugh.

          “Ok so with this new information brought to light…would you like to go out to dinner with me Sam?” Gabriel asked as his heart pounded in his chest. Sam looked down at his lap and then back up.

          “I’d love to Gabe.” He told him sincerely.

          Fast forward two months and you’ll find one very large man and one very small man bouncing off the walls as clothes is shed and they make their way to a bedroom. Things have progressed slowly at first, Gabriel letting Sam take his time coming to terms with his blossoming bi-sexuality. They waited three weeks to kiss for the first time. Two weeks after that they had their first shared orgasm even though it was through two pairs of pants. Another week was mutual hand jobs and just three days later was Sam’s first blow job from a man. Gabriel took his time taking Sam apart and finally his consideration was coming back on him. Tonight Sam had made up his mind that he was ready to take that last step.

          “Are you absolutely sure about this Sammy?” Gabe asked as he pushed Sam’s shirt off of his broad shoulders. He practically attacked the golden skin on his upper chest and Sam growled in appreciation.

          “100% Gabe, I promise.” Sam panted back. He pulled up Gabriel’s shirt and threw it across the room. He reached out with his long arms and lifted Gabriel so that he had to throw his legs around his waist.

          “Thank God cause I don’t think I could stop even if I wanted to.” Gabe said between hot kisses and wandering fingers. Sam chuckled against Gabriel’s skin but when Gabe ground down against him all laughter stopped.

          Later that night as the moonlight came in through the open curtains and Gabriel sighed happily Sam noticed his wings for the first time. 

          “I didn’t know you had ink Gabe. You rebel you.” He teased the smaller man as he traced his long fingers over the golden feathers on his back. Gabe tensed under his touch.

          “Why are they gold? And why are there six?” Sam went on not noticing his unhappiness.

          “That’s a long story Sam.” Gabe said quietly and Sam finally stopped his movement. He reached over and pulled Gabriel to rest on his chest while he wrapped him up in his arms.

          “Another time maybe?” he offered hoping to get his playful friend back.

          “I haven’t always been like this Sammy.” Gabe said closing his eyes and just trying to get the words out.

          “Like what?” Sam asked in a whisper.

          “Fun loving, joking, living life one minute at a time.” He refused to look up at Sam.

          “I used to have a life away from here. Where me and Cas grew up. I was the perfect example of the all American boy. Played sports in high school, dated the prom Queen. Graduated with honors, went to a great college, married my high school prom Queen.” Gabe trailed off. Sam was shocked. No way in hell would he ever imagine his Gabriel as anything but the fun loving Trickster he was today.

          “I got a job as an accountant. I proposed to Kali and we got married at 25. Three kids later and life was as apple pie as one could imagine. I wasn’t happy but I was doing my family proud. To be honest I think that’s why Cas went against our parents wishes from the get go. He saw how it worked when you were the ‘good son’.” He sighed and started to circle his finger around Sam’s belly button.

          “I…I fought with Kali. We had the three boys in the car. I didn’t see the tractor trailer.” Gabriel trailed off and Sam was devastated to feel a dampness on his chest. He squeezed Gabe to him and kissed the top of that golden head.

          “This one is for Micheal. These are for Raphael. And these are for…Alfie.” Gabe continued as he reached over his shoulder and gently traced the edges of the wings. He rolled over on to his back and Sam hated to feel him move away.

          “I killed them Sam.” Gabriel’s voice was quiet and broken in the moonlight and Sam whimpered at the evident pain.

          “The hell you did.” He argued and rolled over so that he could look down at Gabe.

          “If I had been paying attention….if I hadn’t argued with Kali…if I had just…been happy.” Gabriel finally looked at Sam. His eyes were shining with tears and were so full of pain.

          “You can’t be blamed for life Gabriel. No one can predict accidents.” Sam tried to console him. Gabriel’s lip began to quiver and Sam’s heart tore in his chest. He reached up and lifted away a single tear.

          “I miss them Sam.” He whispered as he closed his eyes and the tears tracked down the sides of his face. Sam didn’t know what to say so he bundled up the smaller man into his arms and held him as a damn broke inside of Gabriel and he sobbed in to Sam’s chest. Sam trailed his hands up and down Gabe’s back trying to soothe him and eventually the sobbing trailed off.

          “I know it took us a long time to get here Gabriel but I want you to know this is it for me. You’re it for me.” Sam said as he lifted Gabe’s chin to look up at him. Golden eyes regarded him sadly but there in a flash was something Sam couldn’t name.

          “Moose…” Gabe looked away quickly, trying to change the mood by using Sam’s nickname. Sam, for once, didn’t appreciate the distraction.

          “I love you Gabriel Novak and I plan on spending the rest of my life making you smile. You brought so much lightness into my life. I was always the serious kid, the one who didn’t know how to cut loose and enjoy the things around me. But with one little smirk of those irresistible lips…” Sam cut off his sentence with a quick kiss of appreciation before continuing “you taught me to live. You taught me that life is more then working, more then doing what everyone expects of you. Dean tried his whole life to get me to open up, party some. But all it took from you was one horrible pick up line.”

          “Hey.” Gabriel protested but he was at least wearing a little smile.

          “I love you Gabriel.” Sam said once again just to make sure Gabe heard him, really heard him.

          “I don’t know what I did to deserve you kid but I love you too.” Gabe replied leaning in to kiss him deeply.


End file.
